Tonight, my husband and I were talking. We had just gotten back from having supper with my sister and her family, the kids were playing in their room, and we were just chatting on the sofa.
We were talking about the delicious meal my hubby had just made, and I was encouraging him to do something with his skills. Be a chef? Make how-to cooking videos on YouTube? Idk! Something!
And, the conversation took a turn, “I want to make sure I have some good recipes before I did anything like that!” Referring to the YouTube videos. “I mean, I don’t want to do something where ya make the sauce, and just pour in the noodles”. He looked at me, and laughed.
Now, if you know anything about me. . .this story has probably come up at least once:
When my husband and I were dating, in high school, we had a celebration coming up. I can’t remember if it was a 2nd anniversary, a birthday, Valentines, or what. I do remember; however, that I wanted to make him his favorite meal. Fettuccine Alfredo. I was making the alfredo sauce from scratch. And.it.had.to.be.perfect.
Now, up until this time, I think the only thing I’d made for myself was ramen noodles. No following recipes. Nothing. Let’s keep in mind, also, that I was probably 17 or 18, at the time.
So, I go to make his favorite meal. I don’t remember the exact recipe, but I do remember what it stated after making the sauce: add noodles.
Y’all! I took the noodles, straight outta the box- and dumped them in the sauce. And.they.would.not.cook. I did not realize, at the time, that first I needed to cook the noodles in boiling water BEFORE I added the noodles to the sauce.
I lost it. I cried. I was so upset.
We had to go back to the store, and I had to get all the things to make the whole meal, again.
And that’s me in a nutshell. I get this big idea in my head, it has to go perfectly, and when it doesn’t I get really down on myself. I feel like a failure. All the things.
Tonight, I laughed about that story and my husband’s reference to a YouTube video coming out like that it experience. It’s funny. I shake my head and laugh at the memory.
Over the years, I’ve had to lower my expectations. I’ve had to learn how to: just keep it simple and not over do it, to laugh and not take life so seriously, and most importantly to let go of the idea of perfection.
So, going into this Holiday Season- this year of all years. Imagine my 17 year old self making fettuccine Alfredo by putting raw noodles in the sauce. Laugh a little, and remember: it doesn’t have to be perfect. Keep it simple. Make some fun memories.
I’ve taken more time than I wanted to start sharing resources. . .But, I’ve wanted to make sure and listen to, read, and research before sharing.
Because podcasts are sooo easy to listen to, this is where I’ve started!!
Some time ago, I asked some friends for some recommendations on resources to share for anxiety, depression, and motherhood.
And they shared some real gems.
These are the two I’ve started listening to:
This podcast is a great resource, when it comes to mental health. The episodes in this podcast talk about the science of meditation and the benefits it has on our bodies.
This podcast tells stories of black women and their experiences of pregnancy. It is super informative. I’ve learned so much.
What I love about these two podcasts, are that they share stories.
I firmly believe that sharing our stories not only brings us healing, it brings hope and healing to others who are experiencing things we have walked through.
I hope that you will enjoy these podcasts.
Wow. When I wrote this…it was back around Thanksgiving. I remember this one-two week period, distinctively. It was the moment I realized that I really and truly have to shut down, all of the things, so that I may feel all the feels and sort through all of the thoughts. Now that we are 3 months into Corona time, with all of the things that are currently going on in our world. I’ve realized that there are some amazing people out there who don’t know that what they are going through is ok. What you are feeling is ok. You are not alone. If you are someone who lacks the support you need, I’m working on creating a resources page. If your situation is urgent, I implore you…find and seek help in your local community. In the meantime, I hope this reflection of what I wrote back in November is helpful and brings you hope.
Anxiety and Self-care:
Over these last couple of weeks, I felt myself winding up…anxiety wise. I couldn’t figure out what was going on…but I felt like I needed to slow down. So, I did.
I allowed myself to not go full steam ahead.
I allowed myself to slow down and tune in.
If I didn’t feel like writing, I didn’t. In fact, I slowed down to pretty much only my 30 Days of Thankfulness that I was 100% committed to.
I slowed down on house work—to what needed immediate attention…
You know, I have talked about my “5 Daily Things” I started making progress towards, after hearing John Maxwell speak this summer…and for 2 weeks…I didn’t focus on those at all.
And that’s fine. I needed to slow down and figure out what was triggering me.
It took a couple of weeks, and one good night of crying…but I finally figured it out and got all of that anxiety tension released.
I love this article about anxiety and self-care.
We really need to make ourselves, and listening to our bodies a priority.
When we are taking care of ourselves, we are better able to take care of others.
There is room and grace for survival mode.
There is room and grace for missing out on taking care of ourselves. It happens.
But, once we cue in…we can slow down to figure out what’s going on. And what we need to do.
Check out the article. Tell me what you think. I’ve tried all of these tips and agree.
It’s funny, because I used to hate yoga for exercise. It felt slow and awkward. But last year, I tried it for a season and loved it. It was just what I needed..and I’ve been missing it, since I gave it up last summer.
When you think about self care, don’t be surprised if something you used to hate or would never think about doing for you turns into a something you like.
If something crosses your mind to try…try it.
If you’re a mama-or someone who needs self care, but doesn’t have a budget to spend on yourself…don’t worry.
When I started my self-care journey I had to get creative, because we didn’t have the budget for me to go get massages, pedicures, and the like every week.
I’ll share resources on some budget friendly and simple ways to find self-care. As well as, things that are self-care that you may not have thought about. I certainly didn’t.
As we are looking to homeschool next year, I have been looking for an option that will best serve our needs. I.am.so.excited. That I stumbled across School House Teacher.
As I learn more, and begin our homeschool journey, I can not wait to share our experience, tips, and tricks with you.
Stay tuned for more info as this school year closes, and next school year begins.
“Phil! Phil Conners, [is that you]?!”
Do you ever have days where you feel like Phil Conners, reliving Groundhog Day…over, and over, again?!
Some days…if I wake up hearing that.same.song.just.one.more.time. I may just let out the most epic, blood-curling scream, followed by a river….an overflow…of tears that would take years to unflood.
Most days, I see where God has brought me from. I see all that He has done for me. Peace washes over me, and I know to whom I belong.
And some days, I’m weary of the fight. I’m at my limit. I-just-can’t-do-it-anymore.
I’m the toddler throwing herself on the ground, screaming, rolling around, crying, screeching…and then, getting up and walking away like nothing ever happened.
Side note: I imagine my Heavenly Father, smiling, shaking His head, and saying: “My beloved, dear daughter…get up. This is not how we act. Get up and use your big girl words.”
And- you need to know…that all of those are o.k.
It’s part of the process, the journey…
Some days are a breeze.
Some days are hard as heck.
Some days are for uprooting the weeds in our heart…
And, some days are Groundhog Days….
But, even Phil Conners figured out how to get past living the same day over and over….
You and I can, too.
Sometimes, going through our every day life…it seems like things are against us. We can’t get traction that leads to momentum. And so we give up.
Whatever that is for you….don’t give up.
Keep pressing on and in. With God, you will overcome.
In our weakness, He gives us strength.
Don’t give up. Seek God’s wisdom. Dig in. Press on.
Check out these Bible verses:
2 Corinthians 12:9
Those things you overcome, can be how you shine light and hope for others.
Hold onto that!
Always remember, in the thick of it that you are loved more than you’ll ever know by someone who loves more and better than anyone on this earth ever could. He loves big, and all you have to do is come to Him!
Then, shout it on the mountain tops…just how good He is- give Him all the glory.
Do you ever have days, and think back….What. Just.Happened?
Today was one of those days.
It started off ok.
Got a little better after church…
And then, went downhill from there.
I don’t even know what happened, except my anxiety kept growing worse and worse.
Every light and sound was over stimulating.
I even missed the mark.
Today, at church, the pastor talked a lot about grace and mercy…and, as I have been laying here, in bed…I read my devotional on YouVerse…and guess what, you guessed it. Giving mercy was the topic of discussion.
I wish that I had read it first thing this morning, though.
Because, even though the anxiety would have been there…maybe, I would have caught on quicker….decompressed quicker, and been able to give my family the grace and mercy quicker.
I’m going to miss the mark. There will be days that my anxiety will go downhill quicker than I can realize, until after its already said and done.
I’ve apologized, and as soon as I realized what was happening…I started the process of calming myself down, and changing my response. That’s all I can do, today.
Thankfully, tomorrow is a new day.
I can avoid as many triggers as I can. Use the tools in my toolbox….
And, we can all start over.
A lot of things that we do in our family have resulted, because of some sort of tension. There’s a problem that isn’t working anymore, and so we’ve had to come up with a new solution.
One week, my boys were constantly fighting…saying not nice things to each other, and would not apologize and forgive each other.
One tip I had read about was how this one family edifies each other. They go around in a circle, and they say something nice about each person.
So, that’s what we did one day.
The boys were fighting, extra that day.
So, I stopped them. Walked them through the problem. Had them apologize and work on forgiving each other.
Then, I said: “Ok, ya’ll are going to look at each other. Hold hands. And, ya’ll are going to say 3 things nice to each other. (And then I gave examples).
So, my youngest son went first. Did his thing, and was waiting for his brother.
And then it was my oldest son’s turn.
He absolutely would not say even one thing nice. He cried. He threw a fit. And he would not say anything.
So, I had my youngest go play, while I had a talk with my oldest.
“Get a piece of paper out. We are going to sit here, and you are going to think of 10 nice things to say about your brother.”
“I don’t want to. Other families don’t do this. I’m too big for this.”
“No sir. You are not. Other families do this. People do this at their jobs, and you are going to think of nice things to say about your brother.”
So, I pulled up a list of characteristics.
And we went through several. I would say “What about ______ is your brother _____?”
Give me an example of a time when he was _____.
And we finally got them. Then, I had his brother come back. They sat back down, held hands, again, and he read his list off to his brother.
The next day, we went around the table at supper. We all took time to say something nice, or that we noticed about each other that day.
We did that for a week, or so, until the atmosphere in our house changed.
Now, we don’t always do it every night. But, we still do it. And they love it.
Family Encouragement and Edification has become a special part of our days.
Giving God control is one of the hardest things to do.
By human nature…we all want to have control over our circumstances in life.
Add any kind of anxiety…and multiply that by ten.
When I have a situation that I am hoping will change…it usually doesn’t happen as quickly as I would like. So, I get impatient. I start grasping at everything, and try to control the situation. And…9x out of 10...I only make matters worse.
*just end up making myself more anxious..leaving no space for peace.
*causing problems in my relationships…often times, unaware that I’ve even done so.
* put my promises on hold.
This week, I had a light bulb moment.
As I was going through devotionals in my you version bible app, and towards the end of the week, I gave up a few things.
I’m no expert on fasting. In fact..I’m quite the novice.
But, I felt led to give up these things for certain periods of time during the end of the week.
And just today, I gained some clarity on something I was seeking wisdom for.
But first, I had to give up control. And that was extremely hard to do.
You have to go through your own journey with giving God control…but, I love to forward resources that have helped me.
In the comments, I’ll leave links to the Bible devotionals that I went through this week. I’m not really tech savvy, so if I can’t get it to work…I’ll post the names of the devotionals and the authors..and hopefully that’ll make it easier.
They are really great. I hope you are blessed by them.