The older I get, the more I learn about myself. Like, I need structure, but also a freeing amount of flexibility.
Enough structure to not feel suffocated, and also enough flexibility to not live in utter chaos.
And sometimes, in life. . . Everything feels like utter chaos. No matter how much of a balance or idea of “the plan” that I think I have in control.
And it’s in that moment, that I realize whom my life depends on. That I need God, because if I do not have Him, anxiety and fear would control the type of life I live.
It’s amidst the chaotic moments in life that I’m reminded to stay connected to Him- day-in-and-day-out. Having a solid foundation in Him when life gets rocky, it’s what keeps me connected, grounded, and He’s what keeps me going. I would completely fall apart if it wasn’t for Him!
I’ve spent a lot of time, these last few years just waiting. Waiting on God.
In some instances, in the waiting, I have felt like I couldn’t trust God any more. I have felt hurt. I have felt left behind. I’ve even been plain mad at God. And this past week, I have felt the most anxious I have felt in a very long time.
A lot of things don’t make sense.
I can’t even count any more, how many times, since 2020 that I’ve said: Life just doesn’t make sense right now.
But there are some things, that I am confident of:
* I’m confident that whatever you’re going through, you are not alone and you are loved. There are sooo many people out there sharing their stories. They share their stories, for many reasons. Know that one of those reasons, are so that you and I know that we are not in this life and journey alone. And you are loved. There is a tribe out there that loves you, even if you haven’t found them yet. There is a person out there that loves you more than anyone ever could. And He will leave the 99 to come find you!
*I’m confident that while the waiting sucks, there’s a purpose. And then waiting is painful sometimes, but God can use that pain. He can use that pain to help other people. You can (although not always) use what comes from that pain, on the other side of that pain, and sometimes even in that pain to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
*This one is hard for me to say, right now…but, I know it as a truth- because God’s word is true, and because I’ve seen Him work over and over and over again. I’ve seen it happen in my life, in my friends’ lives, and in complete stranger’s lives. All of that to say: God’s plan and timing is perfect. It’s better than anything you or I could ever dream. And, while I know this to be true…it’s a truth that I’m struggling to hold onto, at this moment.
Honestly, I could keep going on. But, please know, this last week of the year…If you are still waiting on God for His perfect timing, if you are feeling alone, if the pain is too much to bare, right now. He is the light in the dark. He loves you more than you could imagine. I know it’s hard, right now…but, keep holding on!
Have you ever been waiting? Waiting on a promise of God? You can see right behind you, the old is gone, yet, in the same breadth, the new is just out of reach. Your fingertips are touching it, but you can’t quite grasp it, yet. Oh, that place is such a hard place to be.
In Isaiah 43, the Bible says: “Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. see! I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams In the wasteland.” ( v 18-19).
“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. Review the past for me, let us argue the matter together; state the case for your innocence.”
We hold onto the past, and still hold onto hope for the future. But..we can’t have both. We must come to God with open hands and say: Father, I lay down who I was. I have sinned. I repent, and I choose to walk with you. I choose your ways over my ways, Lord.
This week, thank God for who He is. Thank Him that He blots out your transgressions. Thank Him that He remembers your sin no more.
Repent to Him. Repent for the ways you have sinned, known and unknown. Lay it all down at his feet, with open hands. Don’t pick it back up. He’s already forgiven you. And if you do pick it back up…because we’re human. Repent again, and put it right back down.
Now, look up. Look for the new things He is doing. When you see it, jot it down in your journal. Or save it on your phone to jot it down later.
Talk with Him about it: God, give me wisdom. What is my role in your plan?
Thank Him, again.
Thank you God that your promises are true. Thank you, God that you are faithful.
It’s almost December. Like, tomorrow. I really truly want to be in the Holiday spirit, but today. . . I’m not feeling it.
My husband is out of town.
I miss my family.
I miss my friends.
We’ve had 6 different illnesses run through the family in one month, and it’s looking like this winter is going to be a rough one.
And, I’m just weary from waiting on God. I’ve been processing this waiting period, and it just doesn’t make sense. Maybe it never will?
So, you know what? I’m just going to let myself feel all the feels.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in life, it’s this: Feel All the Feels.
Let yourself think about the frustrating things. Be sad that life doesn’t look the way you planned. Feel hopeful for the future. Laugh at the funny things in life, and allow yourself to have fun. Feel happy, when you find joy in something. . .
It’s when you hold those things back, that you’re not being your true self.
And, just remember to not camp out in one space for too long. If you’re mad or angry for too long, you run the risk of only thinking negative. And, if you pretend to be happy, when you’re not- and you shove those feelings down. . . They’ll find a way out.
That doesn’t mean you have to display every emotion, publicly.
But, allow yourself, and love yourself enough, to process those feelings, privately- or with a trusted person!
If you’re also not feeling the Holiday spirit, today. . . I’m sending you love. Know that you’re not alone. This world needs you.
In 2020, I wrote a “21 Days of Christmas” series. I want to bring that back this year!
November and December can be tough months. While some see the holidays in a cheery and festive light, others may not. Feeling the weight of the world, feeling sad and lonely, feeling loss. These last two months of the year can have the opportunity to bring hope to others.
We can do that by spreading kindness, patience, and love.
Follow along with me and spread some hope and cheer this Holiday season!