Hanging on By a Thread

If I’m honest, my relationship with Jesus has been hanging on by a thread, since about 2018.

When I wasn’t seeing the things I was hoping and praying for come to fruition, I felt like I couldn’t trust Him anymore.

I was looking around, seeing what was going on in the natural, and slowly losing my faith and trust in Him.

In the last 24 hours, I can see God not only working, but speaking straight to my heart.

When I came home with a flat tire, a neighbor generously helped my husband to fix it.

When I’ve been doubting God and His plan for me, He spoke to me when a friend sent me a message, and another friend sent me a song.

When I felt like I couldn’t see Him and I couldn’t hear from Him- all of a sudden, there was breakthrough.

I was reminded that He does see me, and that through these encounters- all Glory goes to him!

I’m so thankful for the people He has placed in my life, in this season!

I’m so thankful for His faithfulness, and the continued reminder that everything is on His Time!

A New Season

Wow. Have you ever looked back on a time in your life…a time where you thought you were happy. You thought things were the way you were wanting to live, and even though you thought you wanted to live that way…things just didn’t feel right…Only to come out of that season and think…Man, I was not happy.  There was a lot going on there. Those aren’t the things I wanted. That’s not how I wanted to live. I am coming out of one of those seasons.

I needed it though. Without trial, we don’t appreciate the things in life that we have. We don’t grow. We just stay right where we are. And sometimes, it’s ok to be content with where we are. And it’s also great to want more out of life. To do more. To be more.

I found myself waking up each day. Going to work. Picking up my kids. Coming home. Repeat. Day.After.Day. Sometimes, routine like that is great. That’s where you should be…but for me…I wasn’t living. I didn’t make time for myself. And it wore me down. I was doing for others…but not doing for myself. And we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. (this is where I am always reminded of the flight attendant coming over the intercom, explaining that in case of emergency to place your breathing contraption on before you can help others.)

I found myself slowly depending on God more and more. He brought me to a point where I needed to depend on Him to live. He showed me that His love is what fills me up. That I can get my joy from Him.

And now, I feel like I am living more in the present. I look forward to living life. I have more joy. Some days I fall flat on my face. And my savior is there to pick me up. I’d rather it be some days…than most days. I’d rather depend on Jesus most days. I try for all days, but I’m human…

I’m glad to be back. I’m glad to be myself, again. I have a lot to say, a lot to share, and I’ve found my voice again. I can’t wait to walk this life with you!!

A new season has begun. 417614_10150596051541806_1618798859_n

Can I just end on one note. If you are reading this…and you don’t feel this way…know that you ARE loved. Whatever you are feeling like you are not…you are. Can I challenge you? Whatever you are feeling like you are not…will you go look at yourself in the mirror and say: I am ( fill in the blank with whatever you are thinking you are not)… I AM enough. I AM a good mom. I AM smart. I AM peaceful. I AM joyful. I AM loved. You ARE!

30 Days of Thankfulness

Join me, beginning tomorrow, on my annual “30 Days of Thankfulness”.

Some days and some years. . . It’s hard. Creating a spirit of thanksgiving in your heart takes intentionality and discipline.

If you find yourself finding the negative in your day-to-day, and you’re done with it- join me.

I think you’ll find a new habit, and a little bit of that Negative Nancy weed pulled out of your heart.

What do ya say?! Join me!

We Need Change- It starts with You!

The day after Uvalde…I wrote the following on my Facebook page:

Yesterday- I felt sick to my stomach and overwhelmed with grief.

I started a story with: pray- yes….And we have to change.

I couldn’t get my thoughts past that.

All I could muster was “heartbroken”.

We need change. Period.

The time for discussions- is long past overdue. We are past the point of discussions.

Over the years- there have been numerous ideas thrown out about what can be done. Numerous.

It’s no longer time for discussion. It’s time for action.

Be thinking about things that you, yourself can change. What can your family do to make change. In your spheres of influence? Those little changes- spill over in every area- and impact others. Think of those changes. And then- do it.

You’re all right. It’s not just guns. It’s not just mental health. It’s not just parenting and how schools deal with things. Its not just media.

It’s ALL of it. It’ll take making changes in all these areas until we see a difference. And there is something you can do. What are you going to start with?

We need change. Period. More content to come.

It’s 2022

How did that happen, again?

2019- early 2020, I was excited to start writing, again.

Then, the pandemic.

Then, we started traveling, full-time, and homeschooling.

And writing. . . well, that went on the back burner.

And, these past 3 years. . . They’ve been hard, but they have given me SO much!

I’ m excited to start unpacking all of that. To share our journey. To help others.

Resolutions. New Year, New Me. All of that seems heavy to me, this year. I want nothing to do with it.

What are you

But, I do know what I’m looking forward to: continuing our homeschool journey, more trips, enjoying life, sunsets, warm weather, being outdoors, spending time with family and friends, and so much more!

What are you looking forward to?

A little encouragement:

Some days are hard.

You might feel the tension of wanting to get past a certain obstacle, once-and-for-all.

You might feel like you just don’t have the energy.

You might feel like you’re.just.done.

You keep pressing forward, and put one foot in front of the other.

Then, the tides turn.

You realize that the things you have prayed, wished, hoped, and longed for- they are beginning to unfold.

All the things that didn’t make sense before are beginning to make sense, now.

Y’all know that I’m BIG on sharing what I’m going through in the hopes that it helps someone. That if someone else relates, or gets hope from it- than it’s important to share!

Today, I realized, that so many things I’ve prayed for over the last 10 years have begun to come to tuition- even if they didn’t look the way I intended- or according to my plan.

Today, I want to encourage you- if you are there, in the deep of it all.

If you can barely see what’s ahead of you.

If you are barely surviving- and holding on. . . Keep on keeping on.

Keep fighting.

Keep pushing forward- because- if you pursue the things that are on your heart.

Man, things will look different.

I can promise you the timeline. That’ll look different for each and every person. It’ll depend on how much of the work you put in- but, man. . .

Where you see darkness, now- you’ll see the light and beauty, later!

Keep holding on! Keep fighting. Keep making changes!

Dear America

Today, I was watching the news, and the anchor was covering a clip where passengers on planes are more unruly now, than over a span of 4 years from 2016-2019.

The flight attendants are taking self-defense classes, because the people of America can’t get their feelings in check.

Side note: Don’t get me wrong- I know I’ve had my fair share of grumpy moments with strangers. We are all human, and are going to make mistakes.

Customers are completely rude to workers in restaurants, hotels, grocery stores, etc.

Employers don’t treat their employees with respect. They put themselves and money, before the needs of the people earning them that money.

But, America. . . it’s time for us to wake up. When are we going to see what’s right in front of our faces? When are we going to say “Enough! It’s time to come together!”

I know I don’t have all the answers, here. . .

But, We have a lot of work to do!

Dear America, It’s time.

This has been weighing heavily on my heart.

My goal in writing this, is not to diminish any one side’s voice.

Rather, to bring to the table that there is a time and a season for everything.

I feel like I’m pretty middle of the road- and even so, I know I’m still at fault, at times.

I’ve spent the better part of the past year trying my best to listen, and I still felt like there were times my voice wasn’t heard.

On one end, I’m tired of being a punching bag, on other, I need to stop throwing the punches, on the other, it’s time I make amends, and use my voice to help build bridges.

The point of this is, cycles happen- and they don’t break until there is change.

And, there needs to be more people standing up in the gap, building bridges to make change.

This is not to say that this is necessarily “your time” for any specific area- rather, whatever you are ready for, and on your time table- I’ll hope that you’ll remember and be open to what changes you are personally ready to take.

Politics aside, this is not to say don’t stand up for what you believe in.

Rather, stand up for what you believe in and be loving to your neighbor. Hear when you have wronged others, and when you’re ready- because we are all on different time tables- break the cycle.

We all have a responsibility to the parts we play in our circles, in our society, and in the world.

In different aspects of our lives, we may be in different parts of the cycle. We may be breaking cycles in one area, and still needing a lot of work in another. And in some- man, do we really need to just stop talking, and start listening and doing!

If I’m way off base, or you feel like any part of this was hurtful- please feel free to open up to conversation with me!

My goal is to keep a space that allows for honest, open communication that works towards coming together.

What’s Even the Point?

What’s even the point?

I find myself thinking this on a daily basis.

I’ve poured myself- given all that I can: mentally, physically, emotionally…I’m sure the list goes on..into a lot of aspects of my life over the years.

And, it currently feels like some of it was for nothing.

Don’t get me wrong- there have been a lot of positives, and a lot of growth.

And I probably need to do a journal to process through things…but I still can’t get the thought out of my head: What’s the point?

What was the point of x,y,z circumstance if x,y,z door was closed, or x, y, z growth didn’t happen. You get the picture.

Honestly, the only answer I have right now is that there is a season for everything. I may never know the reason why I’m feeling this way currently. Or maybe, I’m feeling this way and I just need to get out of my own head.

I also know that, if I’m feeling this way- there is probably somebody else out there feeling this way too.

I’ve always been a big believer in sharing what I have gone through, or am currently going through so others know they aren’t alone.

I know that things may seem hopeless or frustrating. But know, that you.are.not.alone.

In case this is just an: I need to get out of my own head moment. . . Here’s what I plan to do-

*Journal

*Talk about it- sometimes just talking through it helps me to process in a different way. And getting it off my chest helps me to let it go.

* Write to share (here)

*Pray about it and seek God

Feel free to join me! Or ask a friend, therapist/counselor/ professional or google and find your own ways to work through it!!

It’s all about creating your toolbox of resources!

Mental Health Awareness Month

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

I want to be very clear- I’m not a mental health professional.

I am; however, someone who has continually worked through anxiety and depression.

Because of my journey with anxiety and depression, I’m a big believer in sharing experiences. I believe that sharing experiences can be a source of healing to the person “going through it”. In my opinion, it can help to hear stories from those who have gone before you. I know, because it’s one of the things that helped me on my journey.

One of the many sayings I’ve heard over and over was: I wish I knew, then, that other people went through x,y,z.

Thankfully, talking about Mental Health is becoming more and more accepted.

This month, I’d like to share and re-share my journey.

I’d love to share resources.

I’d love to share hope.

If you or someone you know battles with Mental Health, know that you are loved. You are not alone.

Please visit https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help/ if you need resources.