2019- early 2020, I was excited to start writing, again.
Then, the pandemic.
Then, we started traveling, full-time, and homeschooling.
And writing. . . well, that went on the back burner.
And, these past 3 years. . . They’ve been hard, but they have given me SO much!
I’ m excited to start unpacking all of that. To share our journey. To help others.
Resolutions. New Year, New Me. All of that seems heavy to me, this year. I want nothing to do with it.
What are you
But, I do know what I’m looking forward to: continuing our homeschool journey, more trips, enjoying life, sunsets, warm weather, being outdoors, spending time with family and friends, and so much more!
My goal in writing this, is not to diminish any one side’s voice.
Rather, to bring to the table that there is a time and a season for everything.
I feel like I’m pretty middle of the road- and even so, I know I’m still at fault, at times.
I’ve spent the better part of the past year trying my best to listen, and I still felt like there were times my voice wasn’t heard.
On one end, I’m tired of being a punching bag, on other, I need to stop throwing the punches, on the other, it’s time I make amends, and use my voice to help build bridges.
The point of this is, cycles happen- and they don’t break until there is change.
And, there needs to be more people standing up in the gap, building bridges to make change.
This is not to say that this is necessarily “your time” for any specific area- rather, whatever you are ready for, and on your time table- I’ll hope that you’ll remember and be open to what changes you are personally ready to take.
Politics aside, this is not to say don’t stand up for what you believe in.
Rather, stand up for what you believe in and be loving to your neighbor. Hear when you have wronged others, and when you’re ready- because we are all on different time tables- break the cycle.
We all have a responsibility to the parts we play in our circles, in our society, and in the world.
In different aspects of our lives, we may be in different parts of the cycle. We may be breaking cycles in one area, and still needing a lot of work in another. And in some- man, do we really need to just stop talking, and start listening and doing!
If I’m way off base, or you feel like any part of this was hurtful- please feel free to open up to conversation with me!
My goal is to keep a space that allows for honest, open communication that works towards coming together.
I’ve poured myself- given all that I can: mentally, physically, emotionally…I’m sure the list goes on..into a lot of aspects of my life over the years.
And, it currently feels like some of it was for nothing.
Don’t get me wrong- there have been a lot of positives, and a lot of growth.
And I probably need to do a journal to process through things…but I still can’t get the thought out of my head: What’s the point?
What was the point of x,y,z circumstance if x,y,z door was closed, or x, y, z growth didn’t happen. You get the picture.
Honestly, the only answer I have right now is that there is a season for everything. I may never know the reason why I’m feeling this way currently. Or maybe, I’m feeling this way and I just need to get out of my own head.
I also know that, if I’m feeling this way- there is probably somebody else out there feeling this way too.
I’ve always been a big believer in sharing what I have gone through, or am currently going through so others know they aren’t alone.
I know that things may seem hopeless or frustrating. But know, that you.are.not.alone.
In case this is just an: I need to get out of my own head moment. . . Here’s what I plan to do-
*Talk about it- sometimes just talking through it helps me to process in a different way. And getting it off my chest helps me to let it go.
* Write to share (here)
*Pray about it and seek God
Feel free to join me! Or ask a friend, therapist/counselor/ professional or google and find your own ways to work through it!!
It’s all about creating your toolbox of resources!
I want to be very clear- I’m not a mental health professional.
I am; however, someone who has continually worked through anxiety and depression.
Because of my journey with anxiety and depression, I’m a big believer in sharing experiences. I believe that sharing experiences can be a source of healing to the person “going through it”. In my opinion, it can help to hear stories from those who have gone before you. I know, because it’s one of the things that helped me on my journey.
One of the many sayings I’ve heard over and over was: I wish I knew, then, that other people went through x,y,z.
Thankfully, talking about Mental Health is becoming more and more accepted.
This month, I’d like to share and re-share my journey.
I’d love to share resources.
I’d love to share hope.
If you or someone you know battles with Mental Health, know that you are loved. You are not alone.
11 years ago, this girl had NO IDEA that the pain she was going to walk through over the next few months and years….it would be hard. It would be dark. It would affect her relationship with her fiancé. It would affect her future pregnancies. It would take time to heal herself, and her future marriage.
If you have lost a baby- no matter how long you knew you were pregnant… your pain is real. I have no words for the hurt and pain you are feeling, because although I have been there…your story is different than mine.
If you’ve been feeling the hurt and the pain for days, weeks, months, years…yes, even after you’ve welcomed other children into the world…know that you are not alone.
I can’t promise anything to you. I can’t promise you a rainbow baby. I can’t promise the hurt will never go away. I can’t promise that around certain dates your mood won’t be affected.
But there is one who is a promise keeper. And it may not feel like it now, but He is sitting with you through your pain.
And if you allow it…the pain you are going through can allow you to grow, heal, and see that the days that were associated with deep grief and hurt…new days come and they can be associated with joy, love, and peace.
Today has had some rough parts, more than I anticipated. But, I felt like, for the most part, what the kids and I are working on I’m thankful for my workout last night! I felt like I had more energy today, and am looking forward to my workout tonight.
I’m also excited, because I got a new book that I’m excited to read! It’s my first fiction book in a suuuper long time!!
Today, self-care looked like running errands.
For me, sometimes I can let things that overwhelm me, allow me to shut down. But, I’ve learned that when I take actions steps, that helps me to overcome and draw out of that “shut down” mode.
Today, we are moving from Eufaula, Oklahoma to Branson, Mo. We break up our long trips into 3-4 travel days. Driving 3-6 hours in a truck with three kids…can be hard. Today, my self care is to breathe through the hard parts.
Kids fighting and yelling?! Take a deep breath in, and let it out.
Kids loud, laughing, and having fun?! (This is hard because loud in general makes me feel anxious and tense) Take a deep breath in and out, and remind myself to enjoy their joy.
One kid whining and complaining about something that he doesn’t want to help with?! Take a deep breath, and teach him that our family unit helps each other.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I’m thankful my watch as a “relax” setting. You take two minutes to breathe in and breathe out, and it vibrates to prompt you for each inhale and exhale.
Now that I’m thinking about it, it might be helpful for my kiddos to use, too!!
This was super helpful during the day….Now, I need to extend practicing taking deep breaths at night…when my kids are still not asleep at 9 pm, asking for this, wanting that, and getting out of their bed for the 100th time…and I just.need.a.little.peace.